Shithole Candidate: Trump Passed Out And Then Passed Gas.
America's shittiest person unsurprisingly smells like shit.
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Last week, we were treated to the hilarious spectacle of “strongman” Donald Trump being unable to stay awake in court. The right’s glorious icon of virility and manliness fell asleep not once, not twice, but at least three times over the course of four days.
Trump’s an old guy and courtrooms are boring as hell so why does this matter? Well, it matters because the fucking press has spent the last year screeching about President Joe Biden’s age and stamina.
They were so concerned about it that they insisted over and over (and over) that he should step aside so another Democrat could run. Not Kamala Harris, of course, because she’s Black. And a woman. So fuck that noise. But please, for the love of god!, please Joe, step aside for someone else! Anyone else! Except for Kamala Harris.
It’s a neat trick to wallow in ageism, sexism, and racism all at the same time while maintaining you only want what’s best for the country. But, man, the press did for the better part of a year.
This is where I remind you1 that the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal wrote over eighty articles in just three days clutching their pearls about Joe Biden’s age.
They have, however, immediately moved on from Trump’s inability to stay awake during a trial that will determine both the presidency and whether or not he becomes the first ex-president to ever go to jail. Sure does seem odd that Trump’s lack of stamina is a total non-issue to a press that was obsessed about it just 10 seconds ago.
This leads us to the funnier and much grosser part of this unfolding story that the press will aggressively ignore: Trump’s unbearable flatulence.
According to reports, when Trump passes out, he passes gas and it is horrendous. Not just your usual “Ick who farted?”, but eye-watering toxic fumes (If the timed link is not working, skip to 8:06):
Biased reporting? All leftwing lies? Maybe. But we’ve been hearing rumors of Trump’s incontinence for years. The nickname “Diaper Don” partly stems from his temper tantrums but also from the high likelihood that he wears adult diapers. This is, after all, a man who is almost 80 with a terrible diet, in crappy health, and has almost certainly been abusing drugs for years to appear energetic in public.
Trump is going to be trapped in court for the next 2-3 months. He cannot decide not to show up. He has to be there for several hours a day, at least four days a week. If these reports are accurate, more…witnesses? I guess you’d call them?2 will come forward. Sooner or later, someone might even get audio of Trump letting one rip while he dozes off.
The press will, of course, be far too dignified to speak of such things. However, start looking for little bits inserted into “respectable” articles about Joe Biden’s health. Maybe some questions about incontinence and 81-year-old men. Just asking questions, of course.
At the same time, expect a deluge of “Joe Biden shit himself” stories coming from the right. Every Republican accusation is a confession. That never changes.
Trump continuing to fall asleep and being unable to control his bowels is the kind of thing that will make him a laughingstock, even to his own voters. It’s why Trump constantly sells himself as a strongman despite being one of the weakest men to ever hold office. Fascists despise weakness. The press cannot (will not) allow his age and physical infirmity to become a story.
But if Trump can’t stay awake and stop farting, that may not be something the press can prevent. Wouldn’t that be the perfect closing argument for Trump’s career as an aspiring dictator? “He couldn’t stop farting and it cost him the election.” I’d like to carve that on the tombstone of the entire Republican Party.
There are 196 days until the 2024 election. Vote blue like your life depends on it.
I will never forget nor forgive. I know what it looks like when the press is deliberately trying to sabotage a candidate. So do you. We all saw it in 2016.
“Victims” might be a better word if they have to put up with the stench.
If it looks like shit and smells like shit it must be Rip Van Stinkle.
Trump’s decrepit body betraying him is payback for his mocking of people with disabilities. His incoherence is payback for all the awful lies he tells. Being forced to sit in a courtroom four days a week for months is payback for his crimes.