Whoops! Republicans And The Press Killed Their "Biden's OLD!" Talking Point
Between an ass-whupping by Dark Brandon and Robert Hur's spectacular self-destruction in front of the nation, it's been a bad week for the press and the GOP.
About a month ago, I wrote that this new round of “Biden’s old!” bullshit would have a short shelf life. After last week’s banger of a State of the Union address and Monday’s disastrous (for Republicans) Robert Hur hearing, expect to see the press quietly drop Biden’s age as their primary focus. For now, at least.
State of the Whoop Ass, Biotch!
Two things happened at the SOTU. First, the press, working hand in hand with the GOP, set expectations unbelievably low. They spent months selling the narrative that Joe Biden was semi-comatose. This would turn out to be a case of getting high on your own supply.
When you are lying to the public, it’s really important that you don’t start believing your own lies. You inevitably set a trap. For yourself. All Biden had to do was show up and give a speech without falling asleep and it would have been very embarrassing for the “Biden’s too old!” crowd.
This leads us to the second thing that happened at the SOTU: Joe Biden did not show up. Dark Brandon did. He was there to kick ass or eat ice cream and he’d already eaten all the motherfucking ice cream.
So, yeah, Biden didn’t give a speech. Dark Brandon dropped fucking bombs for an hour straight and then spent another hour or so working the room. It was so humiliating for the “He’s so ooooooold!” crowd that this is how some “neutral” journalists responded:
It’s funny because it’s long been known that Trump has been snorting Adderall for years. There is zero chance Nuzzi would ever make that joke about Trump, though. That would be “biased.” Can’t fucking have that.1
Most of the press wrote up Biden’s speech as “feisty” or “fiery,” which it certainly was. Oh well, they certainly thought, Robert Hur’s testimony the following Monday would put the narrative back on track.
Oh, it did. Wile E. Coyote style.
Hur(ling) Towards the Abyss
Robert Hur’s report was designed to be weaponized by Republicans and a complicit press. It worked, too. For a while. As you’ll recall, the press went apeshit with wall-to-wall coverage of Hur calling Biden’s cognitive abilities into question.
The coup de grâce was supposed to be Hur testifying before Congress. The fact that this was even being allowed suggested that Hur was not being an honest broker. Hur resigning from the DoJ the day before he testified before the House Judiciary Committee confirmed the widely-held belief that he was, in fact, a partisan abusing his position.
But then Merrick Garland, who has been really failing at his job, lobbed a grenade in Hur’s lap. A little parting gift for the backstabbing scumbag. The entire transcript of Hur’s interview with Biden was released the day before Hur’s big debut.
Fucking. Disaster.
Maybe Hur thought the transcript wouldn’t go public until after the hearings?Or wouldn’t be released by a timid Garland at all? Either way, the transcript was so at odds with Hur’s report that the press crucified him. As much as they want to maintain the “Biden’s a doddering old man” narrative, they also have to maintain a shred of credibility. They were more than happy to use Hur’s report as a cudgel but the transcript left them no choice but to backtrack.
Unsurprisingly, Democrats ate Hur alive. Adam Schiff stomped him into the ground. Eric Swalwell put a clown hat on him. Ted Lieu nuked him from orbit. It was a very bad day for Robert Hur who just wanted to be a loyal Republican.
Unfortunately, the release of the transcript and Hur’s subsequent outing as a fucking liar meant he was useless to the GOP. Hur headed to Capitol Hill in anticipation of working with Congressional Republicans to further sabotage Biden. Instead, they threw him under the bus in order to downplay the revelations from the transcript that Biden was not, in fact, forgetful at all. Qué lástima!
So in the span of 5 days, the “Biden is oooooold!” narrative has been kicked in the balls not once, but twice. Hard.
The press might try to drag it out a little longer but barring some new event, this second round of the narrative is toast. This is what happened late last year. The press milked Biden’s age for all the consternation and clicks they could and then let it go when Trump’s cognitive decline became the story. They’ll drop it again, wait a few months, and then a new round of “OMG! Biden is so oooooold!” will grip the press all at the same time. My guess would be right around mid-July.
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Why the summer? Because the Democratic convention is in the middle of August and there will be a palpable need among the press to detract from Biden’s official nomination. They will need this to counter Trump’s legal and financial woes which will continue to escalate nonstop from now until well after the election. Also, this would give the press enough time to run with the narrative for another month and then let it go quiet just long enough to resurrect in mid to late October.
Am I suggesting that the press will attempt to influence the election by plastering their front pages with “BIDEN IS OLD!” stories right before election day? I am not “suggesting” any such thing. I am fucking willing to bet money on it.
By election day, Trump will be missing in action, hidden away by his handlers so no one can see how incoherent he’s become. The press will call this a “sign of confidence.” Biden will be up in the polls and the press will be in full-fledged panic as they face four more years of “boring” Biden and dismal news traffic.
So, yeah, this round of the Biden Age Plot has run its course but I promise you, it’s not over yet. It’s the only play the press has left and they’re going to keep running it until the last vote is counted.
There are 236 days until the 2024 election. Vote blue like your life depends on it.
It’s really important to understand just how obnoxious this is. There have been accusations of Trump abusing Adderall for years and the press refuses to touch that story with a ten-foot pole. They love to talk about how “energetic” Trump is for his age but they never pause to ask why despite the obvious answer. But they’ll make jokes about Biden using drugs. See how this game is played?
The press: hoisted by their own petard; high on their own supply and
as PJ O’Rourke once said “hubris is one of the great renewable resources”
You gotta hate it when that happens, huh, Bloated Yam?